Recently I was having a conversation with four pregnant women. I asked the question: 'Who of you does not feel rested enough at the moment?' All of them raised their hand. This did not surprise me. I see this all of the time. Time to dedicate a blog post to rest!
Would you answer yes or no, if you would be asked if you feel enough rested right now? If the answer is no, this is not something to feel guilty about. See it as an invitation to find out what you need to answer yes tomorrow, or next week.
Rest is important for everyone in general. But I will focus in this post to pregnancy and the post-natal period specifically. And as always, this post is not all encompassing, but it hopefully gives you enough food for thought.
Why is rest important?
You need rest to have enough energy for both you and the baby that is growing inside you.
It's a better starting position to go into labour and birth with a good energy level, rather than exhausted.
The body needs rest to recover after pregnancy and birth. Rest is when healing can take place.
You need rest to be able to mentally process the birth and pregnancy.
You need head space to process the transition into motherhood (this transition happens with every baby, not just the first).
Rest is good for bonding with the baby.
Rest is good for the process of breastfeeding (if desired).
Why is rest so difficult?
In many cultures and societies there is no or very little appreciation and respect for rest.
It is hard to prioritize ourselves. In the 'mother phase' of life we have high levels of oestrogen, which makes us easily sacrifice ourselves.
It is hard to say no.
You have to do it yourself, no one else can rest for you. And almost always, you have to prioritize it yourself, because no one else will do that for you either.
Adrenaline can be high after your baby is born, which makes rest even more challenging.
We live in a society that is very individual. We don't have a village around us with aunts, sisters, grannies and friends that take care of us when we take care of the baby. That is a great loss, as we need that.
Many of us have forgotten how to connect with our body, and therefore we are missing or misinterpreting the signals of our body that we need rest.
We have not been thought that rest is important. In contrary, many of us have been thought that value lays in being productive all the time.
We don't always realize how much rest we need.
Investigate your own feelings and thoughts regarding rest
I would like to invite you to investigate your own thoughts, believes and feelings regarding rest. Create a moment for yourself to do this. Sit down, bring yourself into the present moment, for example by focusing on your in-and outbreath for 3 or 4 breaths. Then think of doing nothing for for example a full hour. Or think about saying no to someone who asks you for help, because you feel you need to rest instead. What feelings and thoughts come up?
Other questions you can ask yourself are:
Is time to rest something you always deserve, or is it something you first need to earn?
Is choosing to rest a sign of being lazy or weak or is it a sign of being strong?
If I rest, does that automatically mean I am not productive?
Do I feel rested now?
When was the last time I prioritized rest?
Reflect on those questions, and wonder whether it is maybe time to reset some of your believes and feelings about rest. Such a reset is easier said than done. It might request time, effort and support from someone else. Below you find some suggestions that might also help you.
What can be your strategies?
Make a specific plan. Think in advance about the kinds of rest that fit you. What you want to achieve and how you are going to achieve it. What obstacles can you foresee? Include in your plan how to mitigate these. An example is that you plan to apply the so-called '5-5-5 principle' after birth: Staying the first five days in the bed, the next five days on the bed, followed by five days around the bed. So much more specific than the intention to 'take it easy' after birth.
Set goals that are achievable for you. If you don't have any meditation practice, the intention to meditate one hour a day from now on is useless. Setting the intention to meditate five minutes at least three days a week has a much higher chance for success on the long run.
Involve your partner and the people around you.
Practice with different kinds of rest during pregnancy so you find out what you like.
Get it into your calendar. Once you have booked something, you are more committed. Actually getting onto your yoga mat for some restorative exercises at home is often a challenge. But going to a pregnancy or mum and baby yoga class that you have registered (and paid) for, is often achievable. Dedicating several hours to full relaxation and recovery is relatively easy if you have booked a closing ceremony and someone is coming to your house. No way you suddenly can't resist to fold laundry during those hours!
Learn to receive. Ask for help. How do you feel when you receive/ask for help? Is this weak or strong? You could investigate your feelings and thoughts regarding asking and excepting help, in the same way as is described above for rest.
Make a wish-list for gifts that you can ask that help you achieve your resting goals. Like a gift-voucher for a massage. This is a period in life where people love to give gifts, so it's good to consider what you really need and what you and your baby benefit from most.
In our society we might find little inspiration for rest. But when we look at nature, we find plenty! Animals that hibernate, the winter season that returns every year, being truly about rest and rooting, flowers that only blossom part of the year, etc.
In the post-natal recovery workbook that is part of the birth preparation course of NatalWisdom, rest is also an important topic. Other topics are food, mental health, relationship dynamics, and more.
For an overview of the treatments that I offer, including the Post-partum massage and closing ritual please have a look here. I would be honored to be part of your plan for rest, and happy to help you execute it!
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